Christmas 2004: Oh Christmas Tree
by ajremix
Summary: R is for the Rejoicing with friends. Luffy wants a Christmas Tree. Wacky hijinks ensue.


Oh Christmas Tree  
One Piece

When the captain wanted something, by god he was going to get it. Be it adventure (fish people and pirates and bounty hunters, oh my!), or meat (if you happened to like your ears), or a good laugh (which was why Vaseline was now banned from the ship), he would get what he wanted.

Luffy wanted, among the other puffball thoughts in his head, a tree. Zorro pointed to the orange grove. Nami refused. But that was fine because Luffy refused, too.

"A Christmas tree!"

Again, Zorro pointed to the orange grove. Nami whacked him with her staff.

"That's not a Christmas tree." Luffy said importantly. "It has to be big and green and it has to be pretty and sparkly and it has to have a star an' everything."

There were times the crew wondered if Luffy had been dropped on his head several times as a child. Judging from his accident-prone actions, he probably tripped and fell on his head all those occasions.

"You don't need a Christmas tree," Sanji pointed out, "to celebrate Christmas."

"Did /you/ ever celebrate Christmas without a Christmas tree?" Luffy retorted.

Sanji said nothing. Whenever he was on ship during the Christmas season of course they'd have a tree. As did the Baratie as they served the Christmas feast. Nami also said nothing because the Mermen liked a place to dangle their ill-gotten spoils to tease her and the villagers. Zorro also remained quiet, as Kuina loved the holidays. Only Usopp said anything but that was to brag about the hundreds of Christmas trees his village would decorate though in reality there was only one large one that stood in the middle of the town.

"Therefore," Luffy then pointed out, "we have to have a Christmas tree."

"And where are we going to get one?" Asked Zorro. He didn't much like the Christmas season. It brought back memories of the other children trying to put decorations on his head.

"We'll find one." His captain said with an important nod. And that was the end of the conversation. No one could persuade Luffy otherwise when he set his heart on something. And if he didn't get his Christmas tree, there would be hell to pay. And no one wanted to pay Luffy's hell. Because it took its payments out of your ass.

So, under threat of an unhappy Luffy (which meant a pouting and annoying Luffy), the Going Merry ported at the nearest dock and the crew scoured the island for just one evergreen, fir or something vaguely greenish and Christmas-y. Mostly what they got was a laugh in the face.

Finding that and the other nearby villages lacking in the required foliage, Nami turned to consult her maps and Sanji and Zorro investigated the rumor mills (bars). Usopp and Luffy mainly got into trouble. And, in the eventual case of going no further than square one, the crew was forced to admit defeat.

"Face it, Luffy." Zorro said, giving as much care to this situation as he normally didn't. "There's no tree to be had."

"I've triple checked my maps. We're too far south for any Christmas-type trees to be indigenous and it would be too expensive to import to any of these villages." Nami concurred. It was a rare thing for the two of them to agree on something so it must be impossible.

"Nope." Came the determined reply. "I want to have a Christmas tree. We will have a Christmas tree."

Sanji, lipping a slightly mashed cigarette from a pack he found at the bottom of his hammock (his lucky day!), asked, "What's so important about having a Christmas tree, anyway. It would be the same even if we didn't have one."

Usopp, however, didn't share the same sentiment. "A Christmas without a Christmas tree?" He nearly shrieked, aghast. "How can you even THINK of such a thing???"

The three fairly more level-headed of the crew gaped at the sudden outburst. "Huh?"

"Don't you know what happens to people that don't have a Christmas tree on Christmas?"

"No, what?"

They watched as Usopp wove yet another obvious bullshit story that yet again enthralled the ever-trusting Monkey D. Luffy.

"Santa passes by them on Christmas Eve!"

"No!"

"He doesn't stop by and no one gets their presents! And then all the lions and lambs get angry and have their giant, interspecies war that rages on and on and on, leaving no survivors!"

"Gasp!"

"We don't have any lions or lambs, dumbasses." Sanji said but was, typically, ignored.

"And the three wise men won't let us follow them on their quest to find the brightest star to put on the best Christmas tree!"

Luffy looked confused. "Why would we want to follow three guys?"

"Because they have gold and myrrh and frankensuch, of course."

"Whoa, cool!" Luffy didn't know what myrrh and frankensuch was, but he did know about gold. "There's no way we can just let them go by!"

"Of course not!" Agree Usopp. "That's why we need to have a Christmas tree!"

The other three crewmembers shook their heads. "Give me a break." Zorro wondered if it was considered mutiny if he left for another ship that had more intelligent barnacles growing on the underbelly of the ship than his captain and the resident liar held together.

"The fact is, Luffy," Nami stressed, trying to get the point across (one could not merely /beat/ the point into Luffy's head as his rubber body not only was grounded against lightening, but logic as well), "there are no Christmas trees here. Period."

"Then we'll make one."

Luffy's words inspired a profound sort of silence among his crew.

"We'll /what/?"

"We'll make one."

Sanji spluttered. "How the hell are we supposed to MAKE one? No one HAS one to begin with! How can we make one without a seed?"

"Asides from that," Nami pointed out calmly, "it wouldn't grow in time for Christmas."

"I'll make one out of something." The straw hatted boy said importantly.

"And I'll help!" Volunteered Usopp. "After all, you guys think Christmas trees aren't important. You probably don't even know what one would look like!"

Luffy nodded. "He's right. You guys get decorations and we'll make the tree!"

"Decorations?" Zorro said slowly. "How much did you have in mind?"

"Lots!" Luffy said, throwing wide his stretching arms. Usopp echoed his words and actions with less stretching action involved. "Enough to decorate the whole Going Merry!"

"Yeah!" Said Usopp.

The other three just shook their heads. "You guys are fucking nuts." Zorro told them. But they obediently went out with full wallets to get their obscene amounts of holiday decorations.

Out in town it was quickly apparent that the three of them, in no way, could shop together. They couldn't decide what to get and they argued right down to the color and sparkliness of the tinsel. Sanji, in a burst of rare inspiration, decided they should split up.

"We'll decide who can get what, that way there won't be any unwanted duplicates of any decoration." Provided, of course, they actually all thought one object was cool enough to buy. "Nami-san," Sanji went on to say, "will get all the cute things like angels and a nativity in case Luffy's feeling particularly religious for some reason or other."

Zorro raised an eyebrow. "Can we even trust her to /buy/ anything? Let alone if she even knows the meaning of 'cute'?"

"Don't listen to him, Nami-san." Sanji crooned. "I know you'll do beautifully."

Nami just waved a hand at the both of them. "I never /do/ listen to him."

"Zorro'll get all the novelty items. Santas, snowmen, reindeer, what-not."

To this, Nami rolled her eyes. "There goes any chance of good taste." Zorro just glared right back at her.

"And I, having a taste for the decadent and avent gard," Nami wondered if Sanji even knew what those words meant, "will get the lights and whatnot. Agreed?" The other two shrugged vaguely, knowing their ship was about to turn into a train wreck of the most vomit-inducing sort. "We'll meet back at the ship in a couple hours."

Almost a week it took to put up all the decorations. If it was a nightmare trying to get Nami, Sanji and Zorro to shop together, trying to get them to decorate together was like a holocaust. Their actions were like the directions on a shampoo bottle: put up decorations. Take it down the moment their backs are turned. Put up somewhere else. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Keep repeating until someone beats someone else's brains in.

It took Usopp, artist aboard the ship, to direct what decorations would go where. It turned out his tastes were even more decadent and avent gard than Sanji's because eventually the town's governor came and asked if the could use the Going Merry as their entry to the county's April Fool's Day parade. Usopp thought the ship looked awesome. The others wanted to die of mortification of being associated with the ship. Luffy was…..

Luffy was no where to be found. In fact, he was so no where that no one could find him when it was time to eat. At his meals, the only sign that the rubber man still existed was when a hand would come out of nowhere and rocket his food filled platter back to where ever the owner sat. It really didn't bother anyone all that much as meals were now much quieter and there was more food for them to eat. It also didn't bother Sanji because he always found Luffy's table settings in the galley after every meal.

They weren't bothered, but after a while they /were/ starting to get concerned. Not that they'd ever admit it of course. Concerned? Them? Bah. Poppycock and sissy legs, that. Though they really wished Christmas would hurry up and arrive all ready.

And then- joy of joys! It was Christmas Eve! Luffy finally joined the rest of the crew for a healthy and large breakfast (large even for Luffy's normalcy) and asked if everyone got presents for everyone else. The crew blinked, then sheepishly looked away. When Luffy cocked his head and asked again, they all stammered a 'y-yes, of course!' and Luffy beamed at them. He said he hadn't gotten them gifts so he'd be out for the remainder of the day to buy some. Soon after he left, the rest of the crew snuck out to do the same.

The crew slept well after the big Christmas feast Sanji prepared. With thanks to the Christmas eggnog and Christmas whiskey Zorro procured for them.

They slept well, anyway, until Luffy woke them all up. He bounced along the interior of the ship singing, "It's Christmas! It's Christmas!" until everyone came out, groggily. Excited and chattering like the monkey he was named after, Luffy herded the other four to the deck and their sleep fogged (and alcohol fogged) brains could only piece together something vaguely about him wanting to show them a surprise.

The sky above the deck was still dark and that only served to agitate the living dead, but Luffy was as fearless (oblivious) as ever and cheerfully walked to the prow. Turning upon his angered crew, he placed his hands upon his hips. "Well?" He asked.

"You got balls." Zorro managed to grumble. "I'm goin' back to bed." The others mumbled in agreement.

"But don't you like the tree?"

"What tree?" Came the snapping reply. Followed closely by a puzzled silence.

"Hey, yeah!" Usopp cried, a little more awake now. "Where /is/ the tree?"

Luffy grinned wide enough to lop off the bottom of his face. "There is none."

The other ogled at him. "WHAT??"

"None."

"But-but," they struggled with their stubborn jaws, "you said you'd get one!"

"Couldn't. There's no Christmas trees around here."

Zorro's eye twitched. "Of course not! We already told you that!"

"Asides from that, you said you'd /make/ a tree." Nami corrected.

"But we /did/ make a tree."

"No we didn't!" Came the unanimous reply. Then a more puzzled unanimous reply, " 'We'?"

Nodding his head, Luffy crossed his lanky arms. "In my village, the Christmas tree is more then just some tree you decorate. It's something made with everyone special. The tree represents what's in everyone's hearts, that's what makes it so special. If it's an ugly tree then it means that you're not with the people important to you. If you make the Christmas tree with your friends then it will always be beautiful."

"That's very touching, Luffy. But that doesn't explain what you mean by us making a tree. We didn't do anything to a tree." Sanji pointed out.

"When I said that Christmas tree is more than just a tree, I also meant it didn't /have/ to be a tree." The straw-hatted boy said. He went over to an outlet and plugged in a cord.

Suddenly the dark was blinding as line after line of light flashed on. Music and sounds and bells and little 'hohoho's came up all around the crew, disorienting them worse then the lights. When they finally got their bearings back, everyone just stood and gaped.

Around the main mast was a little choo-choo train, flashing lights twinkling along the railings and trimmings. Tinsel and fake snow speckled the mast and crow's nest, Santa and his reindeer flying over the sails. A wreath crowned the goat on the prow, garlands pinned to the walls with holly and wrapped with lights. The snowmen were waving in a circle from the stern, a mound of snow with little automated animals to the port, a group of children holding fake candles and singing wordless Christmas songs on the starboard. As the breeze blew in from the sea and brushed the feathers and snow from the angels dangling from above, it almost looked like real snow against the beaming lights in the dark.

"It's /beautiful/!" Nami finally gushed.

In response, Zorro let out a bark of laughter. "/We/ did this?"

"What?" Sanji grinned, giving the swordsman a good natured shove. "Surprised you can create something worthwhile?"

"Ha! I knew my wonderful artistic abilities would make this ship the coolest thing to ever sail anywhere!"

"Don't get so high on yourself, long nose."

The four found themselves suddenly in a large, rubbery group hug. "See?" Luffy laughed. "I told you we'd have a Christmas tree!"


End file.
